They say they want to be a “woman of God” as if it is such a righteous and glorifying thing. What does it mean? Is there any alternative that is not negative, wrong, or damning?
For a few years in my teens, I was very religious. I went to church every Sunday morning, was involved in my church’s dance team, taught youth worship on Wednesday nights, and even sang in the church choir from time to time. I had my own bible and I even had my own “365 Days of Prayer” journals. I attributed much of my success and triumph through darkness to the grace of God. I thought “if I had not had Christianity, I wouldn’t have survived that.”
While I was in Kuwait on deployment, I had been speaking with another Medic in my platoon who identified as Atheist. I was telling him about my experiences and doing the expected Christian thing, where you try to spark some interest in a non believer, ya know. And I said that line up there, the one in italics. His response was this: “have you ever considered that maybe, you would have survived it, because it is your strength that got you through it. It’s you that is strong, and you should give yourself that credit.” If that doesn’t hit you hard, that’s okay, but it hit me, hard. It changed my life.
So I went from this young lady who was living to please her religion, who was insecure and unsure of herself, and who longed to be “a woman of God,” to a young lady who realized she needed to be a woman of whoever the fuck she wanted to be.
For the small handful who is interested in what I believe, and isn’t heavily offended, here is what I believe in a nutshell: I believe in myself. I believe in you. I believe in human beings. (Message me if you enjoy deep talks about this sort of thing- I do!).
Now… lately I’ve been struggling to identify and execute my goals, as far as who I want to become as a woman. I want to have kids in the next 1-2 years, so this is important to me. The whole “woman of God” concept came to mind after being invited to church more often that usual this past week.
At first, I thought “what the fuck, why do I care about that shit.” Then I realized, what comes to mind when you hear that phrase DOES align with what I aspire to be: patient, loving, kind and thoughtful, gentle, nurturing and compassionate. I do want to evolve in those specific characteristics/virtues…
I don’t feel resentment or anything negative towards the phrase. Our motivations may differ, but a woman of God sounds alright by me.
I want to be my own woman, though. A woman of Samantha…? No, that doesn’t sound right, lmfao. You get what I mean, though.
Lets be women of our own. Lets be all of those things, but also unpredictable, bold, daring, aggressive in our passions and our endeavors. Lets cuss if we want to cuss! It’s an art, haven’t you heard? Let’s take risks and let our minds wander to places others fear going. Let’s accept all parts of our true self and not feel guilty. Let’s go at things at full force and abandon the expectations we and others set for ourselves. Consider both options and consider which path may lead to the desired end state?
I will end with this: this path is more difficult. It can be challenging to strive to be a woman you don’t quite know yet, versus trying to be a woman who you’ve studied every week since childhood. It will be worth it, though. It will be freeing. It will be inspiring.
I have love for you all & the women YOU decide to become.